


Between a Rock and a Hard Place

by keelywolfe



Series: by any other name [65]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, Spicyhoney - Freeform, Underfell Papyrus (Undertale), Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Undertale Monsters on the Surface, papcest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-24 05:56:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18565306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keelywolfe/pseuds/keelywolfe
Summary: Stretch isn't much of a climber, but then, it sort of depends on what he's climbing.





	Between a Rock and a Hard Place

* * *

Stretch was fairly lightweight for all of his height. His bones were slim, not having years of fighting and LV to increase their density. It made it easy to lift and carry him whenever the opportunity arose, and Edge indulged himself whenever possible. Having Stretch in his arms was always a pleasure.

It did not mean that having that weight flung on him unexpectedly wasn’t a shock and he’d learned to brace himself whenever he heard familiar footsteps rapidly approaching.

Like today. A bare minute after he walked through the door, Edge staggered forward a step as Stretch attached himself to his back like a burr, arms slung around his neck and all that slight weight suddenly his to support.

“babe!” Gleefully, and loudly, in his audial canal. Edge automatically reached back to brace him while Stretch made a fair attempt at climbing him like a particularly bony tree. He caught Stretch’s legs behind the knee, boosting him up until he was draped over Edge in a gangly sort of piggyback.

“You’re going to send us both to the ground one of these days doing this,” Edge said warningly. 

“pfft, whatever, you love it.” The heat of his breath against Edge’s cervical vertebrae, followed by slim fingertips tracing the curves made him shiver, and Edge tightened his grip in a fruitless attempt to keep Stretch still. “besides, whatever goes up, must come down, and you like it when i go down. okay, so, what do you have going on tonight?”

The non-sequitur took him a moment to catch. Trying to follow Stretch’s train of thought was often more like a roller coaster than a subway. He considered the question as he kicked the door shut behind him, carrying Stretch through the living room. Tonight he’d been planning on catching up on paperwork, finishing a couple outstanding projects, and outlining his schedule for the next week. He could do that.

Edge shifted Stretch’s weight until he could lean his own head back enough to give him a strained kiss. “What did you have in mind?”

“ooh, i found something for you, babe. this place just opened and I think it'd fit you right up your alley.” 

"It would fit my what?" Edge asked, bemused.

“up your alley, down your gloves, whatever, it would fit. we got this flyer today, check it out!” Stretch squirmed his delightful way down as quickly as he’d climbed up, despite Edge’s attempts to keep hold of him, and pulled a wrinkled piece of paper out of his hoodie pocket. It was an advertisement for the grand opening of an indoor rock-climbing facility. 

While he read the flyer, Stretch waited impatiently, bouncing on his toes with an excited grin firmly in place.

It was a relief to see. He was looking much better today than he had he night before. Perhaps he’d managed to sleep in this morning after Edge went into work. They’d met for lunch that afternoon and Stretch had been very much his normal self; the shadows beneath his sockets were softer and he chatted with his normal bright enthusiasm. Whatever experiment he’d done with San and Alphys seemed to have put him in a good mood and Edge would happily sacrifice his evening to keep him that way. 

“I’m interested,” Edge said at last. “But this doesn’t seem to be your kind of event.”

Stretch only rolled his eye lights. “oh, yeah, because watching your bad ass scaling the mighty walls is gonna be soooo rough. tragic, really, dunno how i’ll survive. you wanna go?”

“All right,” Edge said thoughtfully. “Why not?” It would be good for him to go anyway, and judge how Monster-friendly the facility was. “Let me change, you brat, and we’ll head out."

“can i watch that, too?” Stretch leered, his slender fingers already trying to sneak beneath Edge’s suit coat. 

“Only if you want to put this off until tomorrow night.”

“okay, yeah, good point,” Stretch sprawled out on the sofa instead. “hurry up, baby love, let’s get this show on the road.”

It was Edge’s turn to roll his eye lights, but he did as he was told and went upstairs. If this turned out well, he could justify it as testing out the facilities for the Embassy and besides, Stretch was excited to go.

That was more than worth his time.

* * *

Stretch tended to be a good judge of business and people. Since they’d come to the surface, he’d sniffed out many of the places on the Embassy list of Monster-friendly businesses and his skills did not fail him today.

Despite the building being packed with eager new climbers, the employees were flawlessly welcoming, almost excited when they came in. 

Edge paid the required entrance fees for them both, adding on a starter package for himself that included training on the basics. Both of them accepted their wrist bands and Edge began to herd Stretch through the turnstile, only for him to resist, suddenly straining to look behind them.

“oooooh, gonna win me a medal, babe?” Stretch pointed at a rack behind the counter where dozens of little medals hung. The ribbons ran a kaleidoscope of colors and each medal declared its bearer’s level of skill, from novice to expert.

“I believe I can live without a trinket,” Edge said dryly, ignoring Stretch’s pouting disappointment. “If you want one, you can earn it.”

“Hey, there!” Came from behind them and Edge turned to see a smiling Human coming up to them. He was almost as tall as Edge and wearing a Staff t-shirt. “I’m the owner here, Maxwell Fleming.”

“Hello,” Edge said warily. Some of his concerns faded as the Human held out a hand to shake and Edge did, keeping his grip gentle. It could be difficult to gauge at times how much pressure was comfortable for Humans. “My name is Edge and this is Stretch.”

“hiya,” Stretch grinned, waggling his fingers in greeting.

“Really nice to meet you.” The Human jerked his head a little for them to follow and Edge did, Stretch trailing at his heels. “Look, I’ll be honest, you two are my first Monster guests, and we really want our facility to be welcoming to everyone. Would you mind if I handled your training?”

“Of course not,” Edge said, a bit surprised but not displeased. If this Human were being honest with him and the rest of the evening went well, he’d put in a quick-track for background checks through security and get them an official door sticker. 

Stretch made a face and stuck his hands in his pockets, backing away. “yeaaaaaah, you two have fun. i’m gonna go find my sittin’ place. nice to meet you, max.” Stretch shuffled down to the small cafeteria in one corner. It had a good view of the walls and therefore, gave Edge a good view of him when he sat.

“Exertion isn’t exactly his preference," Edge said, dryly. "I believe he’d abandon walking if the universe would agree to come to him.”

Maxwell laughed easily, “Hey, no problem. Let’s get you kitted out to start, okay?”

* * *

As much as Edge enjoyed his morning run, he admitted he wouldn’t mind exchanging it for this rock climbing from time to time.

Max spent plenty of time with him and whether that was normal, or whether dollar signs dancing in his head at the thought of other Monsters getting interested in his facility, Edge did not know, but either way, it was well appreciated. 

Rock climbing turned out to be excellent exercise and Edge quickly worked his way up through the difficulty levels. There were plenty of Humans here as well, but other than a few double takes, no one paid him any mind. 

It’s was exactly what he wanted for the Monster community. To be so commonplace, they were barely noticed. 

An hour in and he was pleasantly exhausted, waiting for a last turn at one of the expert levels. He kept a half an eye on Stretch, who was content to entertain himself with the vending machines and his cell phone, frequently snapping pictures whenever Edge was climbing. That he kept looking at his phone and giggling was a fair sign that Edge should avoid social media for the next couple of days. 

Max caught him looking once, a thoughtful expression crossing his face.

“Think your—" Edge waited in amusement as Max visibly chose and discarded several assumptions before settling on “—friend would like to give it a go? One time, on the house.”

“If you can get my husband to try this, I’ll have the Embassy give you a public endorsement,” Edge told him dryly. He waited on a reaction to that information, distrustful of the supposed ‘morals’ that some Humans claimed as an excuse for being cruel.

Max only nodded thoughtfully, and surely the dollar signs waltzing in his head were changing over to the tango. “Let me give it a shot.”

He strode over with determination, Edge trailing behind in a jangle of carabiners and gear.

“Hey, buddy!” Max said cheerily. 

Stretch was in the process of unwrapping a sucker from his pile of vending machine contraband. He froze as Max loomed over him, offering a slow, "um, hi?"

“Saw you watching your husband over there. He’s pretty good, right?”

“in many ways,” Stretch said warily. Years of dealing with his brother left Stretch prepared for traps of any sort and caution when one loomed on the horizon was almost second nature to him.

“Well, I was thinking,“ Max said, “I know this isn’t really your thing, so, what do you normally do for fun?”

Stretch only shrugged. “i’m real big on napping.”

“Ha, yeah,” Max laughed, perhaps a little too heartily. “No one tells you that when you get older, napping becomes a hobby, am I right?”

“yes, they do.” Stretch popped the sucker into his mouth and said around the stick. “because i just told you that’s what i do.”

Edge only stood there, watching his own personal pain in the ass in action with no little amusement. He thought he could hear Max’s teeth grinding from here. 

“Uh huh,” Max rubbed a hand on the back of his head. “Well, listen, like I said, I know this isn’t your thing, but why not give it a try?”

“because i would literally rather sell a limb on ebay?”

Max seemed to realize failure was in sight and tried a different tact. “Okay, so napping is your hobby, what do you and your husband do together.”

“sex,” Stretch told him blandly. 

If Stretch was hoping a little Human prudishness would put Max off, he was underestimating the drive of a salesman in his stride. “Sex is a hobby for most married couples. What else do you two do?”

Stretch raised a brow bone. “you want a list?”

“Nope. What I want is you on a wall,” Max said, abandoning subtly for bluntness.

Stretch leaned far back in his chair, wobbling on two legs as he gave Edge a dark, suspicious look. “he put you up to this?”

“I did not,” Edge called. There was no point in trying for an innocent expression, Edge had never had the knack.

“He did not,” Max agreed. “But he didn’t say no, either, and I think he’d like it if you tried. I bet he’d get a thrill out of seeing you do this with him. We get a lot of couples who do climbing together. Probably make him happy to have something to share with you.”

That struck a vulnerable chord and perhaps no one else would be able to tell that Stretch was wavering. He let his chair drop back to the floor with a clatter, his eye lights flicking to the climbing walls and back. 

"You can try an easy one,” Max coaxed. “It's good exercise, and it's perfectly safe." 

Stretch turned those wide, imploring sockets to Edge, who only raised a brow bone at him in a silent warning that no rescue would be forthcoming. Not that he liked the idea of Stretch doing anything that might get him hurt, but there were plenty of safety precautions. If he wanted to try, he could try. 

If.

The amount of grudging Stretch was giving off as he stood was almost a physical aura. “i guess maybe—“

“Great!” Max said heartily. Perhaps he’d had some training in Monster protocols because he didn’t attempt to touch Stretch, instead waving his hands to guide him as if he were bringing a particularly reluctant plane in for landing. “Come on, you’re gonna love it!”

* * *

A half hour later and love did not seem to be the word Stretch was feeling for his current activity and if he said the ones that were more accurate, Edge would be scolding him for using that language in front of children.

He normally wasn't one for taking many pictures; that was firmly Stretch's domain. But the sight of his husband's lanky form trussed up in the safety harness, staring out sullenly from beneath a bright green helmet, was one he wanted to treasure for years to come. 

Max led them to one of the beginner walls, extending some twenty feet up and covered with brightly colored handholds. Stretch gave the wall next to it, one meant for children ten and under, a longing glance before staring up the designated one dubiously. "you want me to crawl up that?”

"Don't worry, this is a nice, easy wall,” Max said reassuringly. “And I'm gonna spot you. See this?" He gave the harness Stretch was wearing a firm tug and from his expression, it was a little tight in the pelvic region. "You get stuck or start to fall? I've got you."

If his speech was meant to inspire confidence, it fell well short of topping off Stretch's mental cup. He stayed where he was, staring up, even as Max took his place with the belay rope.

Stretch turned that dubious expression in Edge’s direction. "you really think i should try this?"

“At least once,” Edge told him, amused, “it _was_ your idea to come here.” 

“i was here to check out the scenery, not to join the cast,” Stretch muttered. He squared his shoulders and nodded firmly. “okay, then.”

"Really?" Edge would have guessed Stretch would beg off by now. Certainly he had no trouble making his desires known, often with great volume.

"yeah, sure,” Stretch shrugged. “why not, live free or die young, let's carpe some fucking diem or whatever that shit is. max?”

“Yeah, I’m ready for you, buddy!” Max called to him, rope firmly in hand.

Stretch still didn’t move, shuffling his shoes, his laces very recently and firmly tied by Edge. "so, let me see if i got this straight. the goal is to get to the top of the wall, right?"

"Right,” Max agreed. He pointed upward. “There's a bell you can ring at the top.”

"and if i get to the top of the wall, will you two let me sit and watch the rest of the time?"

Edge would have been content to allow him to do that even if he didn't, just for being willing to try. "Of course--" the moment the words left his mouth he realized his mistake. "Wait!"

Too late. Edge sighed in exasperation as Max yelped and scrambled back from the suddenly empty platform.

"hiiiiii!" Stretch peered over the ledge, grinning smugly down from the top. He sat down with his legs dangling, waggling his fingers at them.

"That's cheating!" Edge called up. Other Humans were staring now with wide eyes and Edge groaned inwardly. Not exactly one of the more unobtrusive ways introduce Monsters to Humans.

"you said i had to get to the top of the wall," Stretch called down gleefully. He reached out and tapped a finger against the bell, the hollow ting of it ringing down to them. "i'm up!"

"You didn't climb anything!"

"climbing was not specified. only 'top' and 'wall' and in both those areas, i am a completest." He teleported back down, grinning cheekily at his own cleverness. "i did it, do i get a medal?"

Edge supposed it was good for their marriage that it was entirely too difficult to stay irritated with him in the face of such glee, even as smug as it was. 

Max seemed to agree. He recovered admirably from his shock of seeing his newest client vanish and now simply looked amused. "Sure, I’ll get you a medal.”

He went behind the counter, bypassing the medals and ribbons hanging on the wall behind him. Instead, he rummaged through a box until he finally pulled something out triumphantly. 

"Here you go!" He held it up, carrying it to Stretch and presenting it with mock ceremony. It was gaudy, gold-tinted piece of plastic on a cheap red, white, and blue ribbon and Stretch laughed delightedly as he looked at inscription. One side had a cartoonish hand giving a thumbs up and the other said 'participant.'

"i really think this emphasizes the deeper meaning behind my climb," Stretch said. He settled it over his head with solemnly. "babe, take a picture, i need to immortalize my contribution for participants everywhere.”

He did, while Stretch posed majestically, still wearing his harness, and the Humans around them all laughed and clapped. In no time he was chatting with many of them, several of whom seemed to know him from Twitter. 

Picture taken, Edge only stood back and watched as yet another group of Humans fell beneath his husband’s charm. Honestly, Edge couldn't say if it would be the greatest or worst of ideas for Stretch to work for the Embassy. It was probably best that he wasn't interested. Max came to stand next to him, watching in bemusement.

“I’ll speak to our PR department tomorrow,” Edge told him quietly, “but if he is talking about you on his Twitter, I expect you’ll see an increase in business.”

“Nice. He’s a funny guy, isn’t he,” Max grinned and yes, Edge would be happy to push for speedy background checks. “I’ll get you some free passes, too. From now on, he doesn’t need an extra entrance fee, if he promises to stay in the café.”

“I’m sure that’s a bargain he’d agree with.”

Edge managed one last climb before dragging Stretch away from his audience. It was later than he’d expected to stay, the sun already going down, and from the way Stretch was dragging a bit, almost swaying on his feet, it was well past time to go home. One morning of sleeping in wouldn’t be enough if he was running on a sleep deficit. 

“Did you enjoy yourself?” Edge asked. Not that he didn’t know the answer. Stretch was still wearing his medal and he fingered it absently. 

“yeah, but i think i’ll stick to climbing you, babe. you’re about as high as i like to get.”

“Yes, you have a difficult enough time keeping your feet on the ground.” Whatever flirtatious jibe Stretch came up with dissolved beneath a jaw-cracking yawn. Stretch shifted to lean his head against Edge’s shoulder, snuggling against him as well as the seat belt allowed. It made driving more difficult, but not much. 

He was asleep in record time, leaning more heavily against Edge and when they got home, Edge fully expected to have to carry him into the house. Through their front doors and up the stairs to settle him into their bed and truth be told, Edge was looking forward to it. 

He would gladly take any excuse to hold Stretch in his arms. 

-finis-


End file.
